Am I a secretary?

Why do I have to deal with all this shit? What's my share of work? I have to make doctor appointments and negotiate everything. I felt like I am a secretary handling the details and making phone calls. Will this ever change? It's really annoying that she can't take care of her own business. I will explode one day. Sigh.

Do I fit?

It seems to me that I have the same question every couple weeks: "do I really fit in a corporate world?" or "do I really fit into a manager role?" I think my desire is to build a great product and lead product directions. I don't want non-sense politic bullshit. Though I managed to convince myself that things such as
1. dealing with jerk like Kenneth
2. dealing with Mr. Negativity like Jeff
3. other....

I think I need to grow myself to overcome these negative thoughts so I can advance into next stage. Probably helpful at home as well.

Already 2012

Stumbled upon this blog (?!) and realized that I myself created this hate-mail site for myself 2 years ago. Funny is that I only posted twice. I guess I was happy after that? I don't think that's possible. In many ways, I am still in the same position as 2 years ago. I made some progress tho: new house, new position (sucks more?), going to become a landlord soon..... Any ways, maybe this is a good place to keep myself sane. I should keep on writing to myself.

Welcome back, ugly me.

Can't get up to do anything

Funny, or not funny, I can't seem to get up and do anything today. The anxiety at the back of my head is eating me. I can't sleep either. I definitely need to sleep a little bit and pull myself together to get some work done. I guess I am abusing the merit of "work-from-home". It's 1:20 PM now and the only work I've done so far is an 1 hr 30 mins conference call. To my own defense, the conf call kills me, drives me nuts.

Anyways, I am gonna put the icy pack over my head and try to get some sleep. Even 15 minutes will help.

Private Complaints Created

2010 just started. Today is the first working day of 2010. I just realized one thing: my spirit is moving in the opposite direction with the rest of world. My emotion is greatly affected by the cheerfulness of the world. I don't feel happiness when decorating the Christmas tree; when receiving Christmas presents; when the crystal ball falling in the Time Square.

Why? Why am I such a freak? anti-social? or whatever I am? I don't know. Maybe it's a self-protecting mechanism. Just don't want to go-with-the-flow with the world.

Just when I am writing this post, I am actually in a conference call with co-workers from UK. They just drive me crazy. We spent hours just to argue the requirements document is not accurate and who is to blame. I am just tired of talking about this crap. You can't blame me for YOU not reading the document that I put out months ago. That is just ridiculous.

I need a place to blow-off-the-steam, per say. I have FB, Plurk, tweeter, and 2 blogs where I should be able to express my frustration and anger towards the world. However, I guess I am too chicken to let people that I am mad at know about my feelings. I don't want to let my coworkers know that I am sick of my job; I don't want to let my wife know that I hate living with her; I don't want to let people know that I want to kill myself....

All that thoughts lead to here: my private complaints. All my negative thoughts should come here and be buried here. So long, the ugly me.